A Cure for the Common Fanfiction
by Glass Bullet
Summary: Tired of those pesky Mary Sues? Continuations got you down? Can't find that pairing you adore? I've got the yaoi you've been looking for 100 words at a time.
1. Ignorance is bliss

Vash turned off the lights, undressing and walking sleepily over to the hotel bed. He collapsed and crawled into the sheets with a yawn, exhausted from the day of constant fleeing. Only a moment later, another body was moving, and he tensed. A mouth traveled down his body and proceeded to give him the greatest pleasure of his entire life.

He turned on the lamp and pulled back the sheets to reveal his mystery lover, and stared wide-eyed at Midvalley the Hornfreak, who also seemed to be in shock.

And there was one sentence they shouted in unison: "You're not Wolfwood!"


	2. Dream on

Knives smirked, bringing a hand to Elendira's chin and closing the distance between them. He let the other tongue glide between his lips, noting the taste to be fabulously sweet. Pulling back after what seemed like an eternity, the Plant groaned as Elendira licked and massaged the flesh of his neck. Brushing over and down, he stopped at the perfectly sculpted collar bone to tease with his teeth. It was such a euphoric..

Legato sighed. _Master would like a word with you_.

Elendira poked his head over the computer screen. "In a minute, I'm writing the climax of my novel."


	3. SemeUke Reversible

Knives looked down at a sheet of paper and groaned, shaking his head. Legato blinked. "Is something wrong, Master?"

The Plant shrugged. "The overly-hormonal human fan girls just want more yaoi. Preferably," he glanced at the paper, "Something involving food, candle wax, and whips."

Legato gave him one of his creepy smiles. "We can do better than that," Knives smirked as he stood up, grabbing Legato by the collar of his coat and dragging him down a hallway to his bedroom.

"Isn't this suppose to be for uncommon couples?" Legato asked, puzzled yet again.

"Yes. You're on top tonight."


	4. Waking up Early

Things just hadn't been the same since Nicholas D. Wolfwood had become a Gung-Ho-Gun. The only perk was seeing Vash.

But those nights of separation drove him insane. Wolfwood had to find a way to cope, and co-workers seemed more than eager to offer their occasional company. He soon found someone who could satisfy him better than he had hoped.

The energy was amazing, and though he would much rather have the Humanoid Typhoon, the arrangement between him and his new partner seemed to work out.

The only thing Nick hated was waking up early to drive Zazie to school.


	5. Insert TwincestTitle­ here

Knives let his head fall back as he moaned softly, the sound bringing a hidden smile to Vash's lips as he kissed the pale neck. Trying to remain gentle and not seem too desperate, he deepened his thrusts, the other Plant's breath becoming noticeably rapid. Knives twisted his fingers in the blonder strands while grinding in time with the quickening movement, edging toward ecstasy. Vash gasped and groaned as he brought them to a simultaneous release.  
  
"Legato!" Knives cried.  
  
"Wolfie!" Vash shouted. He grinned sheepishly, looking back at his brother who sat, blinking and blushing profusely as they mumbled excuses to each other.

* * *

"I'm bored," Vash sighed, plopping down in a chair next to his brother, who was downing a third cup of coffee and attempting to ignore the statement. The outlaw continued to pout while glancing around for his favorite pastry, finally nudging his twin and putting on his best wide-eyed-starving-puppy-look. "Kniiives."  
  
Raising a thin eyebrow, Knives frowned and said with a hint of annoyance, "As much as I love fucking you, Vash, now is not a good time."  
  
"Why not?" Vash asked with some disappointment, holding the pleading expression as he looked back.  
  
Knives pointed to the clock. "Your wife gets home in ten minutes." 


	6. The trouble with Sax

Wolfwood sighed, looking over at Midvalley, who was still conversing with his fellow musicians after their performance. The occasional visits to see the band play were certainly better than waiting to get blown up somewhere with Vash. He couldn't find the name 'Hornfreak' to be a turn on in the least, but the man himself could be quite persuasive and charismatic. The main difference, Wolfwood always noticed between sex with Vash and with Midvalley, was the level of intimacy.

All in all, Wolfwood figured masturbation was a better alternative to Midvalley. At least that was sex with someone he loved.


	7. ¾ sane?

Vash was fed up with the Gung-Ho-Guns. To be quite honest, he was tired of fleeing for his life, dodging bullets, and falling out of exploding buildings altogether. He slumped over on a bench, thankful for the two minutes of peace he was granted before he noticed someone approaching him.  
  
"I am Rai-Dei the Blade," the man began. Vash sat up, expecting another assault, but instead the man got down on one knee. "I have come to confess my devoted love to you and request your hand in marriage, Vash the Stampede!"  
  
Vash blinked. His life got weirder by the second.


	8. Perverse Lounge relations

«I don't own Trigun.«

Though Elendira had become somewhat irritated with the new and flirtatious attention from Midvalley, it was better than being stuck in his room reading romance novels. He wasn't the type to get attached, but a regular oral session was always welcome. The saxphone player turned out to be talented with his mouth more ways than one.

Legato happened to be shuffling by a closed door, and stopped when he heard a unmistakable voice. His hand was on the doorknob when it swung halfway open, and Elendira poked his head out.

"Midvalley's having lunch, can you come back in ten minutes?"


	9. Ignorance is bliss part 2

The dark chamber wasn't anything short of morbid or sinister.. Instinct and need were the only two things that drove Legato to bring back Vash the Stampede, knowing his Master would be displeased.. but then again, it was as close to Master as he would ever get.

_"A perfect playground,"_ Legato purred into his mind. "_What do you think, Vash the Stampede_?"

To Legato's amazement, the outlaw smiled. "I can make the best of it, right? Since it's pretty dark in here, I can tilt my head sideways and squint, and you look almost like this girl I dated twelve years ago."


	10. Slightly used

Caine the Longshot had never cared much for company. Despite the fact he didn't care for alcohol either, he decided to go ahead and meet up with other members of the crew at a bar. What he hadn't expected was to see E.G.Mine at the bar, practically drowning himself in mixed drinks.

"What's wrong?" Caine asked with a little hesitation.

"Hoppard broke up with me," he replied, sniffling.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Did he say why?" He couldn't help but think that it was the fact Mine resembled a porcupine.

E.G.Mine nodded. "He said sex with me was like throwing a hotdog down a hallway."


	11. You are what you Eat

With a yawn, Legato sat up in bed and surveyed the unfamiliar scenary. The room was obviously not his own, having a full-length mirror and other extravagant things he wouldn't waste time even wanting. It was then that he remembered he had spent the evening with Elendira the Crimson Nail, who was, to his surprise, wide awake next to him reading.

Legato sighed. "I am going to have a lot of explaining to do."

"Knives always said you are what you eat," Elendira smiled and set the book down. "Just tell him, if that's the case, then you're cheap, fast, and easy."


	12. Waking up early part 2

It had not been his first choice, but it seemed like a good idea after a few drinks. He wasn't a drinker, but the night hadn't been that eventful, and the company was far better than the lonely alternative. Knives sighed as he looked at the person next to him.

"Hey, you feeling okay?" Wolfwood yawned.

"Of course not. I woke up next to _you."_

The priest smirked, shrugging off the comment. "Well, if you close your eyes I bet you could pretend I was Vash."

Knives groaned, "Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you'd had enough oxygen at birth?"


	13. Sleep Over

It was a blind kiss that filled Vash's mouth with the taste of beer and bad liquor, causing him to wince. He had never minded the alcohol Nick seemed to drown him in, but something was different. His skin and lips were much more feminine. The room spun in different directions, coming together as his gaze focused on the person in front of him.

"Elendira! What're you doing in my bed!"

The blonde rolled over, pointing to a lump in a chair across the room. "Your brother invited me."

"What! Wait -- where's Wolfwood?"

"Probably fucking Legato again. Can you pass the tequila?"


	14. Sweet Dreams

_I'm gonna use you_

Red was the color of success. The coat, the blood on the parting lips.. it all marked his victory.

_and abuse you_

Knives bent forward to kiss Vash again, his tongue tracing the outline of the bleeding mouth slowly, poking the corners. Brutally gentle, contradicting the previous minutes of pain.

_I'm gonna know what's inside.._

When he finally peeled the modesty from his brother, the struggling had ceased and the scarred body lay still beneath him. Sharp blades pressed into flesh, and he closed his eyes as he heard Vash moan. It was love, after all..


	15. Last, but not Least

Wolfwood smiled and leaned to kiss Vash before taking a seat on the opposite side of the table. He lit a cigarette and fumbled through his jacket pockets for a lighter, causing several items to fall out - which included an expired sandsteamer ticket, a deck of cards, the last of his money, and a small travel size bible. Vash bent to help him pick them up, examining each item, and opening the small book.

"You really believe all this stuff?" the plant asked, handing it back to Wolfwood.

"Yeah. Why?"

"That was written by the same people who said the world was flat."


	16. Perverse Lounge relations, p2

If there was something Knives wanted, it had to be his. But with time he would always tire of it and search for some other form of amusement. Sex with humans had been such a repulsive idea - until Midvalley.

Hornfreak was infinitely gallant, with a body as adept and skillful as his mouth. Knives would wait patiently until the end of a show, watching from the dark of the side stage until Sylvia was set down. Midvalley didn't mind the feel of the wall, the cold hands; kissing even colder lips.

He was always ready.

Knives was always satisfied.


	17. Just your Heart

Wolfwood groaned as his back hit the cold floor, his mind reeling from the mental punch. He couldn't move, he couldn't breathe – was it the end?

Legato leaned over him, taking a moment to gaze, almost longingly, into his eyes before kissing him. He wasn't intimate; every motion was forced and robotic. The thought of where those lips might have previously ventured – whether consensual or not – was almost sickening to the priest. He squirmed, glaring angrily until the telepathic hold loosened considerably and he was able to speak.

"What do you want from me?"

"Just your heart."


	18. I'm going to burn for this one

Legato stared across the table. He couldn't see a reason for their separation. His companion, his partner, his friend, his second love - looked back at him with indifference.

"So that's it, then," Legato said sadly, cutting a piece of cheesecake.

Silence.

"There's no way you'll reconsider?" He paused, looking thoughtful. "We've known each other for a long time. I don't know what I'll do without you.."

Silence.

Legato sighed. "Alright.. but I want you to know you always have a place at the end of my bed."

"Nyao." Kuroneko stretched and jumped down from the chair.


End file.
